I really like this jumper. Old skool, something similar to what you may have had handed down to you from your big bro in about 1982. Now you can buy it brand new and in your adult size and relive those days of Scaletrix and flinging Action Man down a death-slide from your Mum and Dad’s bedroom window.

This Sol Cal Retro Mini Stripe Jumper is £20 and shipping is £4 but if you can piece together an order for £100 then shipping is FREE! I should hope so! BUY

Republic really nice store with many urban brands such as Bench, G-Star, Drunknmunky and more. Well worth checking out especially around payday time.

Here’s a nice looking moleskin jacket to smarten yourself up with, also available in a brown colour too. Bung it on with a pair of jeans and trainers, maybe add a hooded top on a cold day, and you’re good to go.

Made from 100% cotton, no mole’s were harmed in the production of this jacket. Moleskin is ‘heavy cotton fabric, woven and then sheared to create a short soft pile on one side’ so it feels nice if someone hugs you…aww, how sweet.

This Dark Khaki Moleskin Jacket has been greatly reduced in the sales from £60 to only £25 but the nice guys at Burton are also giving you FREE shipping on orders over £70 otherwise shipping is £4. BUY

Burton is a menswear store with a ton of stuff for your delectable perusal. Loads of well priced staples to help you get matching items to compliment your outstanding, expensive items.

You see those stripes? You can change them. Just move them up and down, like a graphic equaliser, and change between grey and black to blue. Who knew trainers could be so thrilling?

These K-Swiss Fenley Strap Stripe Shifter trainers are £60 and shipping is £5 but if you spend £75 or more then shipping is FREE so start searching for something else! BUY

JD Sports your local high street sports store also has an online webby store on the instaweb highway tubes, so don’t bother leaving your house at the weekends, use their website instead and then go back to bed.

Only 12 days to Christmas! So instead of doing the partridge, lords dancing and all that bollocks here’s something similar to what your Nan will probably give you. So arm yourself and buy this one then give it to your Dad or your Grandad and enjoy their reaction. It’s what Nans and Aunties have been doing for years. It’s what Christmas is all about - bitter disappointment.

Look at the guy in the photo, he’s gutted. Not only has he been sent out to fetch firewood wearing the knitted jumper from his Nan but someone has taken a photo too. That grimaced smile is something we’ll all share soon. I feel for you firewood brother. Be strong. Your Nan’s knitting days will be over soon.

This Christmas journey into the hellhole which was your childhood will set you back £45 not to mention the therapist fee’s. Shipping is £4.50. BUY

Natural Collection they sell stuff made from recycled Uranium or something like that anyway.

Another black shirt? Is the record scratched or sumfink? You can’t get enough of a good thing. Good looking black shirt but this style comes in a few different colours. Bit more casual than yesterdays, the stripes help break up the black a bit so you could wear it with jeans or something more casual than smart trousers. The stripes would also help hide tartan paint if you painted in it.

This shirt has been reduced from £50 to only £20! which would be chicken oriental in itself, but here’s a discount code - AW7AWWP - which gives you £5 off. So SmartGeezer has sorted you out, in effect, with FREE shipping and a shirt for only £17.50. SmartGeezer’s listen to SmartGeezer. BUY

Savile Row another tasty looking website with more suits, shirts, ties and shoes than a financial district. Good range of stuff including some casual gear to help you empty your bank account.

“What so interesting about a black shirt, SmartGeezer?” I hear you ask. Women have the little black dress, you should have a black shirt. Goes with anything, anytime of year and makes you look thinner. Yes, even you Chubby. This is an especially nice one made from satin (whatever that is).

This journey into shirt darkness will set you back a mere £60 and shipping is £5 but if you spend £100 then shipping is FREE…ALSO, these guys currently have a 2 for 1 offer on shirts, so if you buy 2 shirts the shipping will be free plus you can pick a third shirt absolutely FREE. You can be too sexy for your shirt this Christmas…all fucking 3 of them! BUY

Austin Reed if you aren’t interested in leaving the house but still want to wear the smartest suit and tie whilst flicking off to Trisha, then Austin Reed is all you need.

Check out these retro mothers featuring wallpaper on the side like your nan used to have. Comes with a free doilly you can hang on the back and an old recipe for Madeira cake that you could use during rationing.

A pair of Adidas RL Vintage Comfort trainers are £55 and shipping is £5 but if you spend £75 or more then shipping is FREE so there’s all the excuse you need to buy something else. BUY

JD Sports your local high street sports store also has an online webby store on the instaweb highway tubes, so don’t bother leaving your house at the weekends, use their website instead and then go back to bed.

Yesterday you had the smart shirt now add some icing to the cake with some high falutin’ cufflinks by Paul Smith. Nice bright colours to compliment your shirt, now all you have to do is stop fiddling with them when you’re out on the tiles!

These Paul Smith Cufflinks are £40 but you can get 10% off your order. Offer ends on 24th December. Simply enter - BIRTHDAY - in the promotional code field at the checkout. BUY

Milan Clothing is a great site with many top quality brand names for you to drool over. If you get a pay rise or Christmas bonus, you can dispose of it here in no time.

A top notch shirt or two sitting in the wardrobe waiting for those special occassions is a must. Get a few nice shirts and you ca wear them more often. Get some really nice shirts and a good laundrette with ironing service and you might as well wear them everyday and look the nuts.

Tewkesbury Men’s Formal Dress Shirts at Prowse & Hargood start at about £40 each but these boys have gone special offer mad. They’ve already got FREE shipping and 4 shirts for £100, but they’ve also just added an extra 10% off when you spend £20 or more. Simply use code - 10PRDT - when you check out. BUY

Prowse & Hargood if you’re looking to stock up on a few shirts for the New Year then this is the place. Good range of top quality shirts and some great offers to help twist your arm.

So what does a smart geezer like you want with a plain old boring jumper like this? It’s the potato to your £200 jeans. It’s the runner beans to your £150 trainers. It’s the quiet cone holding your attention-seeking silky smooth vanilla ice cream and Flake.

There’s a reason why symphonies have mellow periods, why rollercoasters have slow bits and why football matches go a bit stale in the middle - they make the beautiful bits look more beautiful. You don’t have to spend a fortune on these bits though.

This Plain Brown Jumper is £35 but the nice guys at Burton are also giving you FREE shipping on orders over £50 plus 10% off everything until the 19th December with this little old code - BURTON10OFF. BUY

Burton is a menswear store with a ton of stuff for your delectable perusal. Loads of well priced staples to help you get matching items to compliment your outstanding, expensive items. More like ‘Wise’ than ‘Morecombe’.